Doctor showed me the heartbeat of baby.
Baby is only 0.73cm big.
I was kinda excited.
Everything was still fine until I visited Dearie on Monday.
Things are not going smoothly these few days.
Maomao broke down. Battery spoilt.
Brought maomao to change battery as well as servicing on Monday after visiting Dearie.
While waiting for maomao to be ready, I was sitting alone at coffee shop.
Slowly tears started to fall.
Recalling what Dearie told me..he asked me to abort baby.
I asked him whether he wants baby or not.
He told me he wants but can't possibly keep as I am alone outside and my parents issue..etc.
I was confused.
I thought I was prepared even if he is going to tell me that.
But I was wrong.
And I am definitely not brave and strong enough.
Ever since that day onwards, my decision started to be wavened.
There were times whereby I really thought of aborting it.
But I really don't know.
I can't bear to..and definitely I don't wish to live with another guilt and regret for the rest of my life.
However, I am really scared.
Will it be really worth?
How am I going to break it to my parents?
Am I really ready for motherhood?
I kept asking myself.
I am feeling real miserable now.
Someone please enlighten me.
Dearie was saying we will talk about it again in the next visit.
But I feel he will still tell me the same thing.
And by the next visit, baby will be 2.5 month already.
I will be even more heartache to abort it.
Alot people explained to me the reason for Dearie's decision.
But I just feel he should spare a thought for my feeling and ask about my thinking too.
And he should have expected it.
If his decision is going to be like this, he shouldn't have did what he did.
I was kinda upset and fed up with him seriously.
I am going crazy...
